in two weeks, i'm turning 30. :: cries ::

I know 30 is the new 20. Supposedly.

But just looking at the number 30 makes me feel like I should be reviewing my 401K for retirement.

I guess 30 just reinforces that I'm a grown up. When I was in my early 20's, I always said I would be finished having kids by the time I'm 30. I had no clue the struggles we would have, or that by the time I turned 30, I really would be finished having kids.... not by choice, but because I cashed out my 401K to pay for fertility treatments. When these two graduate high school, I will be 46. College, 50. :: sigh ::

My mom was young when she had me - just turned 20 - so I've grown up with having a mom that was trendy, wore clothes that were actually in style, and listened to the same music I did. I guess I just have the mindset that my kiddos are going to think I'm an old fogie and not relate to me as well as I related to my own mom.

Babies, I promise, I will try my best to stay young for you. I will never wear Easy Spirits and mom jeans. Sadie, I will shop right alongside you at American Eagle. I will take you to your first concert, and will know all the words to the songs as you sing them beside me. Well, your second, since your first one was New Kids On The Block with mamma when you were only eight or ten cells old.

And Jeffry, when you get married and dance with me to "Simple Man" at your reception, it will be in a hot little formal number, not a floor length skirt and jacket ensemble that screams MOTHER OF THE GROOM. I will try not to be a m.i.l.f and embarass you in front of your friends, but I will stay hot enough to keep your daddy on his toes.

Hello, 3-0!